Honesty

This post is going to be a little different, however it is something I was up at 3am last night thinking about, and I want to write about because even if I don't have an audience, this is something I need to remind myself of every now and again.

One of the things I'm most insecure about is my age coupled with my level. I haven't been doing ballet consistently since a young age and often I feel like I'm the only one who is as driven as I am is in the same situation. But I'm not. I'm not going to be a professional classical dancer. I may not even make some sort of career out of this. All I can do right now is work as hard as I can at this point in time. I get told on forums that my schedule isn't sufficient. But it is difficult to acquire a  schedule that is 'sufficient' (i.e daily 1.5 hr classes, daily pointe classes plus variations, comtemporary etc. total of like 15-20hrs a week) in my situation. I live away from the city and I go to an already good studio, it just doesn't have the pre-pro schedule. I'll be overjoyed if I manage 10 hrs a week over 4-5 days a week. Even if I only do like 7 hrs a week. I'm in my last year of high school, my education is my main priority now.

I can go away into the city and do full time ballet for a week or so during the breaks, but I have to keep my schedule modest during the school terms, because I need to be focused on my studies so I can do well in my HSC and go to University. That's the reality of it.

Because I've started 'late', when I compare myself to others I feel really bad because I forget that I only been at it for 3 years. I feel like I should be at their level, otherwise I'm not 'good'. But I have the passion and the love for ballet, and I work as hard as I can. But someone who's older and who doesn't have the muscle memory/naturally flexible body of a young child who works as hard as she can for 3 years cannot physically attain the same result as someone her age who's been working as hard as she can for 10 years. So all I can do is work as hard as I can right now. Look forward to the future, don't regret the past.

I don't like the term late starter. Because unless you're Misty Copeland and started when you're 13 and became a professional, you're not late for anything. Most people who study ballet don't become a professional dancer. Even those who have been studying it since they were young. It's never to late to dance because you love it. We all know that. But it's also never to late to dance and become good. I'm sure whenever the topic of 'late starters' arise, Vanessa Sah from the Anaheim Ballet Youtube channel pops up instantly. She's not a professional, but she started when she was in college, and she's a good dancer. She may not be at a professional level, but she still trains hard. And because of this she inspires me. I hate the idea that you can only be a good dancer if you train at a pre-professional level. There is such a thing as serious yet recreational. You don't have to succumb to training once or twice a week just because you can't be a professional. If you love to dance but can only do it 4 times a week, you can still be a good dancer. There is no time limit, work as hard as you can and progress in your own time.

I started this blog so I can set goals and track my progress. It's working and it motivates myself to work hard , because I'm tracking my progress. I have to remind myself the little things and the big things I've achieved after only 3 years of ballet. I have to remind myself why I dance in the first place. I dance because being connected to movement and having my mind completely focused is so therapeutic. My friend said once "Some people have therapy, I have dance".

You need a pre-professional schedule and life to be a professional. But you don't need it to dance.